1. Oscar Wilde
2. Thomas Hardy, from Jude the Obscure
3. Dashiell Hammett, from The Maltese Falcon
4. Delmore Schwartz, from poem of the same name
5. Mark Twain
6. Sarah Vowell, from the story "Mix Tape" in Take the Cannoli
7. Seamus Heany, first two lines of the poem "Digging"
8. David Remnick, from "Reporting It All: A. J. Liebling at one hundred" published in the March 29, 2004 New Yorker: "Liebling so enjoyed himself at the offices of The New Yorker, where he worked for twenty-eight years, that he could be heard humming and snorting with laughter as he pulled the sheets from his typewriter and read them over. He knocked himself out, if he did say so himself."
9. Michael Almereyda, interviewed in the April 18, 2004 New York Times about his movie, "This So-Called Disaster: Sam Shepard Directs 'The Late Henry Moss.'"
10. Virginia Woolf, from To the Lighthouse
11. Archilochos, trans. Guy Davenport
The poem in its entirety:
My ash spear is my barley bread,
My ash spear is my Ismarian wine.
I lean on my spear and drink.
12. John Berryman, from the poem "Damned" in Love & Fame
13. George Carlin
14. W. Somerset Maugham, from Of Human Bondage
15. Rita Rudner
16. Will Rogers
17. Miles Davis
18. Bertrand Russell
19. Steven Wright
20. James Thurber
22. Dave Barry
23. Peter DeVries
24. Winston Churchill
25. Douglas Adams
26. W. H. Auden
27. Fran Leibowitz
28. Henry Sambrooke Leigh
29. William Cowper
30. Francois de La Rochefoucauld
31. Clarence Darrow
32. Robert Orben
33. Erica Jong
34. Pearl Bailey
35. Abraham Lincoln
36. Peter Ustinov