Eden M. Kennedy

mission accomplished, pal

Eden M. Kennedy is the co-author (with Alice Bradley) of the book Let's Panic About Babies! (St. Martin's Press, 2011).

A former college-radio DJ, Mrs. Kennedy has driven cross-country six times in a 1973 Volkswagen Bug and enjoys standing on her head.

Currently she works a straight job and is just about finished writing her first novel.

Here you see cabinet installers ensuring that their work is level. Our condo is in harmony with the Earth! With the help of gravity, our refrigerator will fit snugly beneath those paint-grade cabinets.

You know what I like best? See that skinny little cabinet door next to the space for the fridge? Baking sheets! We now have a dedicated baking sheet cabinet. Or a space to store four cereal boxes.

But where are the doors?

They're in the garage, being painted. Here's Jack waving his arms to dispel the fumes that our new neighbors have been complaining about. Believe me, we'll be distributing a few bottles of "sorry for the toxic inconvenience!" champagne after all this is over.

Oh, good, here comes an appliance. What's that you say, local installers contracted by Sears, you're asking us if we want a power cord for our new dishwasher? Power cords are extra? You're kidding me. That's like buying a car and having the salesman say, "You want an engine in that?" That's like getting on a plane and having the stewards come down the aisle and hit you up for gas money.

Crown molding! Because we're very fancy people.

Closet mirrors, begone! All of a sudden it's looking very Restoration Hardware in here.

Here we have one toilet and half a sink.

Here we have a toilet, an entire sink . . .

a handsome, egg-shaped Baldwin doorknob . . .

and some chipped fucking tile after the plumbers remembered that they should have screwed in that cute little fitting before the tile went in.

Here we see Ryan, having taken over for Floyd, bringing that fake stone right up the wall.

Again with the levels! These guys are professionals.

It turns out that the more you use, the better it looks, so we're going to take that fucker straight on up to the ceiling.

Back to the kitchen, where exciting things are taking place! Like a sink.

But wait! Here are Javier and Billy carefully hiding the sink with a couple hundred pounds of granite.

Well, we can always use the bathroom sink.

What's this? Our refrigerator is too tall? No! The cabinet is too short! The cabinet guy measured the distance up from the rough floor instead of the finished floor, and so our upper cabinet is an inch too low. Time to start chipping out some of that floor tile! Might as well get your saws out, too, boys, that cabinet has plenty to answer for.

And so our refrigerator waits in the living room, lonely and alone. But there is hope, for strange and wonderful things are happening in Jackson's room . . .

A very extra special thanks to Galen for the javascript that should allow everyone using non-Safari browsers to click on pictures without getting a blank object page.