Eden M. Kennedy

mission accomplished, pal

Eden M. Kennedy is the co-author (with Alice Bradley) of the book Let's Panic About Babies! (St. Martin's Press, 2011).

A former college-radio DJ, Mrs. Kennedy has driven cross-country six times in a 1973 Volkswagen Bug and enjoys standing on her head.

Currently she works a straight job and is just about finished writing her first novel.

Discursive possibilities between you* and me after you clobber me with a plastic sword.

*If you are nearly three years old

One
What I Say: "Ow! Don't do that!"
What You Say: "But I just did!"
What You Mean: Jesus, mom, why the fuck are you telling me not to do something I've already done? What, you want me to go back in time? Sorry, I left my Omega 13 Device back on Thermia.

Two
What I Say: "Hey! I told you not to do that!"
What You Say: "But it's fun!"
What I Say: "You can do anything you want unless it hurts someone. That hurt me. So don't do it again."
What You Do: Whack me in the back with your sword again.

Three
What I Say: "Goddamnit!"
What I Do: Grab sword and hit you between the shoulder blades with it.
What You Do: Stare at me in utter shock. Then cry.
What I Do: Hug you, but also feel like you deserved it and you're overreacting because I barely tapped you.
What Jack Says: "You hit mommy again and my foot will be so far up your ass you'll taste shoe leather."

Moral of the story
Mom will keep giving you another chance until her hacked-off limbs litter the living room floor, but don't ever fuck with dad.